This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
