I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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