70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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