How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
