So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this will be a night to untag.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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