sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
