forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My balls are so social today.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
