So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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