I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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