Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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