i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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