Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
