just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
