I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What a dumb baby whore.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
