You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just threw up on my dentist
a search helicopter?!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
