i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
