My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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