This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
