Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
