Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's always time for handjobs
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
