just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need a burrito and a hug.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
