Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
