me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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