There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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