Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
