I'm pants shitting drunk right now
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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