i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
