No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
These tits shall not be calmed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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