when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
