I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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