Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
