so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
