god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
