Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
