I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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