if i can run in heels then i can drive
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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