I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
