So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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