I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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