That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
