I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
