Already got asked if we're dating
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
