He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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