i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
