He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
