THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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