And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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