sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
