we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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