i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
