Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
