What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
