last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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