I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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