Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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