I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
