I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
