I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
