I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
