I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
