Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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