hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize