The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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