I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need a beard to bite.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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