i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
