he wants to bone in the snuggie
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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