you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
