do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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