If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
