I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.