the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.