I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.