I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
